Yarrow and Thistle
by UnluckyAmulet
Summary: Twenty moments featuring the antagonistic relationship between the 11th and 12th Divisions of the Gotei 13 and their Captains, Zaraki Kenpachi and Kurotsuchi Mayuri. Or should that be the other way around?


Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach!

Just a short drabble-type humour fic. Slight hints of Ikkaku x Nemu. Rated T for some uses of strong language. (Well, yeah, it IS Kenpachi.)

Enjoy!

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1. _Antagonistic_

There was only one other Captain that Kenpachi disliked as much as Mayuri, and that was Kuchiki Byakuya. He can never decide which is worse.

2. _Colors_

No matter how much Mayuri threatened her, or how many times he thought up new ways to try and keep her out, Yachiru _loved_ the Twelfth Division. It was always full of brightly-colored bottles and strange machines. Not to mention the occasional scientist who would smile furtively and whisper, "Sssh!" before sneaking Yachiru a lollipop or two.

Though that part she kept a secret.

3. _Fear_

There was only one person, aside from Yamamoto, that could get Mayuri and Kenpachi to shut up before a true argument really kicked off. And Unohana managed to terrify both of them without even raising her voice. It was nothing short of amazing.

4. _Bells_

Mayuri finds it highly ironic that Kenpachi has the nerve to criticize his appearance- the Eleventh Captain had the most _ridiculous_ hair Mayuri had ever seen.

5. _Challenge_

When Kenpachi first became Captain of the Eleventh Division, Mayuri had taken one look at him and deduced that he wouldn't last five minutes. Just because he effortlessly murdered the old Eleventh captain meant nothing- all the Eleventh Captain's were the same. Stupid, battle-crazed with no regard to anything but fighting, and Kenpachi fell into all those categories.

Kenpachi had only smirked when this opinion reached him. He loved it when people underestimated him.

6. _Friendship_When Yachiru selected Nemu as her new playmate, Kenpachi encouraged her as much as possible to bring the shy girl to Eleventh Division. Not only because he knew it pissed Mayuri right the hell off and made Yachiru happy, but he also saw the little sidelong glances Ikkaku would occasionally give her...

7. _Pride_People outside of the respective Divisions find it amusing how similar the members of Eleventh and Twelfth really are- both of them are obsessed with strength and intelligence, respectively, and both of their Captains, while brilliant in their own fields, are well and truly insane.

8. _Enemies_

Mayuri and Kenpachi differed in their opinions of what to do with their Espada opponents. Mayuri wanted to study and dissect them. Kenpachi wanted to fight until he'd ripped every last one of them apart.

Byakuya reflected, however, that each of them just seemed to want to cause as much chaos as possible.

9. _Skin_

Mayuri doesn't have as much contempt for Yumichika as a lot of other members of the Eleventh, probably because Yumichika isn't as fighting-obsessed. Surprisingly, the effeminate Fifth-Seat claims that, surprisingly, Mayuri is actually quite beautiful underneath all that make-up. When Kenpachi heard that, he just laughed and laughed until he choked.

10. _Envy_

Although he would never, ever, EVER admit it, Mayuri is slightly envious of how people seem willing to die for a complete lout like Kenpachi. Meanwhile, despite having never thought about it before, Kenpachi wants to know why a complete bastard like Mayuri knows the name of his zanpakuto, when Kenpachi has never even heard the voice of his.

11. _Accident  
__  
_Yachiru learned the hard way never to accept candy directly from Mayuri- she spent the next three hours bouncing around Seireitei, giggling like a hyperactive banshee. When Kenpachi demanded what the hell Mayuri had done to the candy, Mayuri had replied that it was actually an ordinary sweet and that Yachiru was experiencing a "sugar rush".

12. _Date_

When Ikkaku finally worked up the nerve to ask Nemu out, Mayuri threatened to castrate him if he so much as touched her. When Ikkaku wanted to back out, Kenpachi told him the same thing- only a coward would ask a girl out and then back off just because of a stupid threat like that.

13. _Instinct_

There isn't much about Mayuri that particularly freaks Kenpachi out- as far as he's concerned, the make-up, nails, hat and so on is all just a mask.

...But his bankai is one of the freakiest fucking things that Kenpachi's ever seen, hands down.

14. _Articulate_

Instead of visiting the Twelfth himself, Mayuri usually just sends down one of his minions. Kenpachi doesn't particularly appreciate this- they get so worked up and nervous around him that he can't understand a damn word they say.

15. _Eye_

Because of their infamous antagonism, many people in Soul Society don't understand why Mayuri made that eyepatch for the Eleventh Division Captain. The truth is, Mayuri was happy to make it- not only did it give him the opportunity to further test his abilities, but Mayuri also liked the fact that it weakened Kenpachi.

16. _Invisible_

Aramaki lives in terror that Mayuri will remember him taking away that pretty ryoka girl. He also lives in terror that Kenpachi will find out he obeyed the ryoka boy. Good thing neither of them can remember who he is most of the time.

17. _Paternal_

Kenpachi hated that he had something in common with Mayuri that none of the other Captains else did- the fact they both had daughters. But Mayuri is a pretty far stretch from anything _close_ to a father, in Kenpachi's opinion.

18._ Daydreaming_

One of Mayuri's more idle past times was thinking of new ways to modify his body (or the bodies of others). He often likes to fantasize about shoving his elongated fingernail through Kenpachi's remaining eye, for example.

19. _Chaos_

Mayuri balks when he remembers the last time Kenpachi visited the Twelfth Division personally- he had simply bulldozed through anything in his path, costing Twelfth thousands while the pink-haired nuisance on his shoulder giggled and chirped like a hyperactive parrot. Kenpachi doesn't remember such a visit- that type of things is normal for him.

20. _Common Ground_

Both Captains are in agreement- they will always find the other a major pain in the ass. But at least things are interesting with them around.

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